I get a big kick out of the 8, 6, and 4 year-old kids here being as independent as they are. It’s fun to watch them accomplish things on their own. The look of pride they have in their own abilities makes me happy. Knowing that they can do things on their own makes my world less stressful and more free. Their independence also makes all of our lives more convenient. They’re starting to learn how to get around town on their own on public transit, so they can get to the things they want to do without me. They're all developing different interests, so it's great that each of them is pleased as can be doing things on their own without their sibs, my partner and I. All of this lets them do and experience more. They also help me with errands we need to get done for the whole family. Their ability to roam out, free away from me, means they can take care of some of our shopping tasks while I take care of others.
They’ve all been practicing their independence since before they could move under their own power. I’ve always wanted to make one of those top 10 things blog posts, so here goes.
The top 10 things, (organized by age), the gang did/does to practice independence!!!
Infant to Toddling
1. Pointing in the Wrap: Believe it or not, their independence practice started while they were still snuggled into the wrap, strapped to my chest. We’d go out for walks, the kid’d point or glance, and off we’d go. They’d get to see the world they were interested in, I’d talk about what we were looking at as we went.
2. Meeting the World: As the kid in the wrap and I walked around, we introduced ourselves to people. Even before they could talk, the kids would grin and wave. Because the kids hung out with my partner part of the day, myself part of the day, and—once the third kid arrived—the nanny part of the day, it was kinda fun to get to meet new people who knew the kids, but not me. The kids were getting used to making contacts. They were learning that the world wasn’t just a bunch of strangers, it was a whole network of people that knew them and each other.
3. Toddling, slow, glorious toddling: The moment each of the kids were able to move on the own, they started being responsible for getting themselves around. They came out of the wrap and walked along with rest of us. The going was slow at first, but it was surprising to me how quickly they picked up speed and endurance. Within a few months, they were walking blocks at a time. They were also getting the idea they could go places on their own.
4. Cruising parks: Once they could toddle, we set the kids loose in nearby parks. For us, college campuses were exemplary for this! The kids wandered around the quad exploring, looking at dandelions, seeing bugs, watching the grass blow in the wind. Then, classes would change, and giant crowds of people would swarm by them. And get this! They were crowds of people that didn’t think or ‘know’ that babies shouldn’t be walking around on their own, so they didn’t care. They’d grin at the kid—or not—and go about their business. The kids got used to seeing lots and lots of people.
Up and Running
5. The Glory of Grocery Stores: As the kids got more mobile, they started running ahead in grocery stores. It was a great place to practice their new found freedom and their ability to pay attention to instructions. I stayed in the rear getting my shopping done, and hollered to them what I needed them to do next. If we were changing aisles, a quick ‘hard left’ or ‘hard right’ did the trick. If I needed more time, then ‘stop’ did it, or if I needed them to come check something out, ‘u-turn’ brought them on back. Sure, this took time to work on also. There was lots of picking up kids and patiently bringing them back. What they got in exchange was freedom. They could explore the store to their heart’s content without me holding them in place or trapping them in a cart. What I got was convenience. I could do my shopping without worrying too, too much about what they were up to or if they were going to meltdown in the constraints of the cart.
6. New Kids on the Block: The grocery store was a gateway to the outside world. Now that I knew they’d pay attention, we were ultimately able to navigate whole city blocks at a time. Now, he kids run out ahead. They still listen for my instructions, but they also pay attention to limits we talk about before we head out. Yup, we talk and talk and talk. They know they can’t cross the street by themselves, (yet), so they stop at every corner. In neighborhoods where they know the lay of the land, and they’re known, they know they’re allowed to get out of my sight. In other places, we talk about things before we head out, and they know they need to stay where they can see me, ( a subtle difference compared to me seeing them, that makes the responsibility and mindfulness theirs, not mine.)
Big Kids
7. Take me there: The kids take me places where they know, or learning, the routes. I’ll ask them to show me the way, they grin at getting the chance to be in charge of our commute and off we go. This started out as walks to our local haunts in various neighborhoods around town, but it's grown to include specifying bus and train routes as well.
8. It all comes back to groceries: One of the first independent tasks the kids had away from me was collecting a list of our groceries in the supermarket. They’d all been wandering around dozens of yards ahead of me for years, so it was no big that they wandered all the way off to actually shop.
9. Shopping once removed: Our grocery store shenanigans tumbled out into the real world again. The kids and I hit different stands at the Farmers Market. Our trip takes half as long as it once did. They've made more buddies that I meet after the fact. We've also started splitting our grocery list for our local markets. They take the markets on one side of the street, while I hit the ones on the other side. We all meet back up at the bus stop to the house.
Adults Gotta Work Too
10. Hitting the Streets: My partner and I help to lay some of the ground work for all this. We intentionally meet lots of people in our neighborhood. We occasionally make cinnamon rolls that the kids deliver. (I can’t take all the credit for this as the kids have now taken over most of the baking process.) As I mentioned, we talk and talk and talk to the kids about what might happen while they're out and about as well as what did happen. We all work as a team to refine the process. It’s work, but wow it’s fun!
So, there you go, my first top ten list! We have a blast doing all of this, and would love to hear about new things to try! What are your favorite ways of building independence?
They’ve all been practicing their independence since before they could move under their own power. I’ve always wanted to make one of those top 10 things blog posts, so here goes.
The top 10 things, (organized by age), the gang did/does to practice independence!!!
Infant to Toddling
1. Pointing in the Wrap: Believe it or not, their independence practice started while they were still snuggled into the wrap, strapped to my chest. We’d go out for walks, the kid’d point or glance, and off we’d go. They’d get to see the world they were interested in, I’d talk about what we were looking at as we went.
2. Meeting the World: As the kid in the wrap and I walked around, we introduced ourselves to people. Even before they could talk, the kids would grin and wave. Because the kids hung out with my partner part of the day, myself part of the day, and—once the third kid arrived—the nanny part of the day, it was kinda fun to get to meet new people who knew the kids, but not me. The kids were getting used to making contacts. They were learning that the world wasn’t just a bunch of strangers, it was a whole network of people that knew them and each other.
3. Toddling, slow, glorious toddling: The moment each of the kids were able to move on the own, they started being responsible for getting themselves around. They came out of the wrap and walked along with rest of us. The going was slow at first, but it was surprising to me how quickly they picked up speed and endurance. Within a few months, they were walking blocks at a time. They were also getting the idea they could go places on their own.
4. Cruising parks: Once they could toddle, we set the kids loose in nearby parks. For us, college campuses were exemplary for this! The kids wandered around the quad exploring, looking at dandelions, seeing bugs, watching the grass blow in the wind. Then, classes would change, and giant crowds of people would swarm by them. And get this! They were crowds of people that didn’t think or ‘know’ that babies shouldn’t be walking around on their own, so they didn’t care. They’d grin at the kid—or not—and go about their business. The kids got used to seeing lots and lots of people.
Up and Running
5. The Glory of Grocery Stores: As the kids got more mobile, they started running ahead in grocery stores. It was a great place to practice their new found freedom and their ability to pay attention to instructions. I stayed in the rear getting my shopping done, and hollered to them what I needed them to do next. If we were changing aisles, a quick ‘hard left’ or ‘hard right’ did the trick. If I needed more time, then ‘stop’ did it, or if I needed them to come check something out, ‘u-turn’ brought them on back. Sure, this took time to work on also. There was lots of picking up kids and patiently bringing them back. What they got in exchange was freedom. They could explore the store to their heart’s content without me holding them in place or trapping them in a cart. What I got was convenience. I could do my shopping without worrying too, too much about what they were up to or if they were going to meltdown in the constraints of the cart.
6. New Kids on the Block: The grocery store was a gateway to the outside world. Now that I knew they’d pay attention, we were ultimately able to navigate whole city blocks at a time. Now, he kids run out ahead. They still listen for my instructions, but they also pay attention to limits we talk about before we head out. Yup, we talk and talk and talk. They know they can’t cross the street by themselves, (yet), so they stop at every corner. In neighborhoods where they know the lay of the land, and they’re known, they know they’re allowed to get out of my sight. In other places, we talk about things before we head out, and they know they need to stay where they can see me, ( a subtle difference compared to me seeing them, that makes the responsibility and mindfulness theirs, not mine.)
Big Kids
7. Take me there: The kids take me places where they know, or learning, the routes. I’ll ask them to show me the way, they grin at getting the chance to be in charge of our commute and off we go. This started out as walks to our local haunts in various neighborhoods around town, but it's grown to include specifying bus and train routes as well.
8. It all comes back to groceries: One of the first independent tasks the kids had away from me was collecting a list of our groceries in the supermarket. They’d all been wandering around dozens of yards ahead of me for years, so it was no big that they wandered all the way off to actually shop.
9. Shopping once removed: Our grocery store shenanigans tumbled out into the real world again. The kids and I hit different stands at the Farmers Market. Our trip takes half as long as it once did. They've made more buddies that I meet after the fact. We've also started splitting our grocery list for our local markets. They take the markets on one side of the street, while I hit the ones on the other side. We all meet back up at the bus stop to the house.
Adults Gotta Work Too
10. Hitting the Streets: My partner and I help to lay some of the ground work for all this. We intentionally meet lots of people in our neighborhood. We occasionally make cinnamon rolls that the kids deliver. (I can’t take all the credit for this as the kids have now taken over most of the baking process.) As I mentioned, we talk and talk and talk to the kids about what might happen while they're out and about as well as what did happen. We all work as a team to refine the process. It’s work, but wow it’s fun!
So, there you go, my first top ten list! We have a blast doing all of this, and would love to hear about new things to try! What are your favorite ways of building independence?
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