Real-World Socialization

Socialization in the Real World
I say we’re an unschooling family with no curriculum, and to an extent that’s true.  To an extent though, it’s not.  I do have goals for the kids.  I’d like them to move more fluidly through the world than I did as a kid.  I was shy.  Sometimes I couldn't’ think of the right things to say.  Sometimes, I didn’t want to speak at all.  To this day, new experiences jar me.  I’ve developed coping techniques, and yet.  If I get a chance to visit a place by myself and take it in, I’m fine.  If I get dropped into a place out of the blue with other people, I’m just a little bit disoriented.  Things are just a little bit harder to do.  I’d like for the gang here to not have these experiences.  I’d like for them to feel okay talking to whoever, wherever, and whenever.  To that end, the gang and I spend a lot of time in places where the kids can practice communicating, where they can see new things, take in new sights, and meet new people. 

Sometimes this is easy.  Sometimes, we blunder into things like day the career fair descended on our favorite building of my old campus, the architecture building.  We wandered in as we always did to find ourselves surrounded by people in suits.  They treated four year-old No. One, two year-old No. Two and me magnificently.  We were whisked back to the speakers’ room where we nibbled on fresh fruit.  People came by and talked to us.  Everyone talked to One and Two like they were full-grown adults.  No one there had been taught to pander to little kids. 

Another example.  We found a free art class led first by museum docents, and then by teaching artists.  The docents walked the kids through the museum showing them exhibits related to the art project they would soon do.  The docents spoke in full sentences using the words (big or not) needed to describe the art, and just as important asked the kids for input, and even more importantly, listened to what they said.  No. Three, the youngest kid grew out of infancy going to these classes.  By the time she could walk well enough to follow along rather than being wrapped up next to me, she paid rapt attention to the docent, didn’t interrupt, and took in every moment.  She learned to actively listen because she’d seen it so many times and: No one. Thought. She. Couldn’t.

Sometimes opportunities fade
But, that class ended, never to return.  The next program that museum started catered only to six year-olds and up.  Then they opened a kids art room where children could look at patterns.  No one talked to them though.  The kids were unintentionally sliding back into a world where adults just didn’t talk to them, the world of generally pandering society.  What do I mean by ‘pandering society’?  Let me explain. 

One and I turned up in Montana back in March for a conference.  There was snow everywhere,.  Yellowstone was a mere 40 miles to the south of our location.  When I asked a hotel concierge about Yellowstone, I was told it was closed.  Easy enough, then, One and I would just toodle down the road and find a place to take in the beautiful outdoors, enjoying the nature around us.  I made the mistake of telling my plan to the concierge.

“Oh, oh no.  I wouldn’t do that.”  She said looking meaningfully at eight year-old One.  “There’s a lot of snow…”

*What?*

“I’d head back into Bozeman.  There’s an indoor museum with dinosaur bones.”

I desperately tried not to roll my eyes, thanked her for her input, and left as quickly as I could.

And that, that assumption that kids can’t do anything is what I call pandering society.

Not too shockingly, when a group doesn’t address you like you’re capable, or worth being addressed in an intelligent way, when they treat you like a non-person, you start to consider them in the same exact way.  That’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid, immersing the kids in an age segregated society.

So, What’d I do then?
I set out looking for other opportunities.  (When people tell you unschooling parents don’t work hard at education they lie.  This is one of the many things unschooling parents work at all the time.)  We’d already been supplementing the museum classes with visits to a local art gallery where—just like the career fair—no one had been taught to pander to kids.  They talked to the gang the way they talked to everyone else.  The kids would either keep up or they wouldn’t.  The really nice thing though,  is it never even occurred to the adults in the room that the kids wouldn’t keep up. 

I’ve come up with other opportunities that help the kids get into the real world, and that aso make my life easier.  The kids are responsible for getting the food from our favorite carryout place all on their own.  They go in without me, order without me, pay without me, and bring the food back outside where we all head out.  The kids are also taking over more and more of my shopping errands.  We started out with them picking up things for me at the Farmers’ Market.  It was glorious!  They’ve made their own adult friends they catch up with every week.  I don’t really know these people.  The kids did it all on their own.  Since then, they’ve started heading out to the markets on one side of the street while I cover the ones on the other during our weekly grocery trips.  It saves time, and again the kids are developing their real-world social skills.

We still haven’t found a place where people will talk in terms of big ideas like the docents in their disappeared art class.  The art gallery is open fewer and fewer days a week, we may lose it soon as well.  But, we’ll keep looking.  There are hundreds of ways for kids to interact with adults that don’t realize they should ‘treat them like kids.’  We’ll keep finding other opportunities to for the gang to interact with the world the way the rest of us do, in full sentences, exchanging ideas and information in a variety of places with a variety of people. 

It can be hard, but keep going.  It’s worth it!