Copasetic Flow

 Just a quick note.  My partner and I went to see Robot Dreams with the 11 and 9 year olds about a week and a half ago. First, the movie is awesome! It stays almost true to the book in that there are very, very few words at all. More in the movie than there ever were in the book, but still. The whole thing was a lot of fun and I highly recommend it. The oldest kid wasn't there because she was attending summer camp up on the orthern edge of the penninsula.  After the movie, my partner and I went off to do errands in one direction, the 11 and 9 year old headed  towards the house on BART. And! Guess what? They ran into their older sib on the bus home. There routes coincidentally linked up for the last leg and they hopped on the sam bus she was on. About a stop later, they all realized it. Public transit and independent kids are pretty awesome! We got to do our errands. The kids got to go do what they wanted, and they ran into each othere anyway! Without transit, I doubt...

 Soon, I’m going to launch into a series of posts for new dads, expectant dads and thinking about being expectant dads. These posts will contain ideas about the things that worked for me. Emphasis on me, since we’re all different people, that, by inference, means my spiffy ideas might not work for you. At all. And that’s OK. They might just not be your thing. Everyone parents differently. Before I do that though, there’s one other implied tip in the above that is completely hidden, what with all my talk of ‘I’ and ‘me’. I think—no, I believe, deeply—that this hidden tip can help everyone who identifies as a dad. Everyone. This one is important, so I’m going to lead with it. I talked to my partner about all my parenting plans before I put them in motion. We started talking about plans before my partner was pregnant, and eleven years in, we still talk about them a lot. Talking about plans works on tons of levels, so I’ll list the ones I can think of now, and plan on adding others in ...

Getting kids ready to head out into the world on their own?  Here are some the things the kids here did to get ready. Get down on the ground As each new kid here learned to toddle, I took them out of the wrap as often as I could so they could walk beside me, instead of on the side of me.  The kids generally loved it . They got to explore.  They got to interact with the world.  I got to see the world from their perspective: only a few feet above the surface of the ground.  The kid, noticed things I hadn’t seen before.  They showed me their world.  Was it slow?  Yes, yes it was, but it was more than worth it.  The more they walked, the more they could walk, and soon, I was free of carrying kids, and had buddies I could wander around with. Learn to Lead Early on it’s nice to have a rapport at a distance with your kids.  A few simple instructions like left, right, stop, and u-turn are all they need to know.  These things come in...

Eight year-old No. One stood in front of a room of 50 people at the junior track of engineering conference with a mic and a laser pointer.  She was describing a two-bit binary adder she’d built, and she nailed it! She and her sibs pretty routinely speak in public—although not with that big of an audience—in one form or another.  To them, it’s not a big deal.  It’s something everyone else around them does, so why wouldn’t they?  They never got the memo telling them that public speaking was something to be feared. Part of their comfort—I think—has to do with the fact that they inadvertently grew up speaking in public; thanks in part to me being lazy.  Here are five things we did together that I think got them used to the idea of public speaking. Paying the ticket at the restaurant:  It’s always been the job of the youngest kid to take our money for the restaurant bill to our server.  The three to four year-old kid wanders around, finds the pers...

Yesterday when I wrote about the 8 yo kid here learning algebra, I left out one caveat.  Math is kinda one of our things around the house.  We’re all immersed in it all the time.  My partner studied physics with a minor in math.  I studied engineering.  We both enjoy math, and consequently, we talk about math often, whether the kids are nearby or not.  So, math might be easier to pick up at our house just by virtue of being there. Here’s the thing though, when everyone frets “yes, but how will the kids learn math?”  Beyond the fact that if their interested in it they can find resources to learn it, beyond that fact, maybe it just doesn’t matter. Every family is into something, lots of things really.  If the family's cooking along without anyone knowing trigonometry, perhaps that’s because the things they’re passionate about just don’t need trigonometry.  And guess what?  The kids in that family will be immersed in those passions....

Another question I see come up all the time in the context of homeschooling and especially unschooling is “How do you teach  math?”  There are lots of different ways.  I know people that use curricula, I know kids that attend math circles where they work out math problems with other kids, I know kids that learn math as they run into a need for it in the real world. When the real world example pops up, people tend to ask, “Yes, but how will they learn complex math like algebra and trigonometry?" To which I respond, “The kids here learn those things mostly by talking.” And that’s how we do it.  Talking.  Usually in  tiny snippets at a time .  My partner and I started working with the kids on math as we hung around in coffee shops .  We'd ask the kids—now 8 y.o. No. One, 6 y.o. No. Two, and 4 y.o. No. Three—questions about adding or subtracting.  They'd generally work them out on their fingers.  This worked great all the way through mul...

The eight year old kid—No. One—leaned in,  “I think Mary has a really good idea about character charts.  I’ve got two books going, and I’m stuck on both of them, and I think that would really help.”  I quietly shushed her because Mary was still presenting her thoughts on outlining novels to the room of assembled writers at one of our favorite libraries, but my mind was reeling.  So many things had just happened! First , I didn’t know One was working on two books.  I knew she was working on one book, but not two.  The kid had started a second book, and I didn’t even know.  Cool! Second , she was paying complete, and rapt attention to the presentation.  I ususally get some kind of indication from the gang they heard what was being said when they attend talks with me, but that indication usually comes days or week later out of the blue.  Not today.  Today, the kid was clearly latching onto every word.  We’ve attended writing lu...

It’s unanimous, everyone that reads here is a huge fan of ‘ Truly Devious ’ by Maureen Johnson .  I found out about the book somewhere on author twitter last year a month or so before Christmas.  I thought it would appeal to my partner because she’s into mysteries, but I also thought it might appeal to the 8 y.o. reader here since it’s in the young adult book category.  When Christmas rolled around, I still hadn’t figured out who the book was for, so it kinda became a present for all of us.  My partner read it first, then No. One, the 8 y.o., and finally me. The book has a twisted time stream, and takes place in two eras.  The official crime of the book, the one the protagonist originally sets out to solve is a kidnapping/murder that took place at the start of the 20th century.  As the story carries on though, the bodies start to pile up in the present time as well.  Are the new deaths murders or accidents?  Are they related to the original mu...

We had a cozy, welcoming local coffee shop in the little college town we lived in when the kids started arriving.  It was a large two story affair with an outdoor patio. All sorts of different mugs decorated the walls.  You’d pick out a mug, tell the kid tending the counter what you wanted, and they’d make it in your chosen vessel.  This adorable little hangout is one of the first places the gang learned how to head out on their own to work on things they wanted. When 8 y.o. No. One was almost three, she, her little brother—still in the wrap, snuggled into my chest—and I would go there.  The place had a water dispenser, one of those ceramic arrangements with a plastic jug sticking inverted out the top of it.  It had a spicket on the bottom with a lever that you pushed down for water.  A stack of paper cups sat next to it so you could have a drink of water along with your coffee.  The kid was fascinated with the thing.  She could reach the cup...

I get a big kick out of the 8, 6, and 4 year-old kids here being as independent as they are.  It’s fun to watch them accomplish things on their own.  The look of pride they have in their own abilities makes me happy.  Knowing that they can do things on their own makes my world less stressful and more free.  Their independence also makes all of our lives more convenient.  They’re starting to learn how to get around town on their own on public transit, so they can get to the things they want to do without me.  They're all developing different interests, so it's great that each of them is pleased as can be doing things on their own without their sibs, my partner and I.  All of this lets them do and experience more.  They also help me with errands we need to get done for the whole family.  Their ability to roam out, free away from me, means they can take care of some of our shopping tasks while I take care of others. They’ve all been practicing...

I often see the question, what do people do on long road trips to avoid too much screen time for kids?  First, a disclaimer.  I have no personal druthers about screentime one way or the other.  I think whatever works best for each family works best.  We, missed the screentime issue by simple circumstance.  When the kids came, we were poor grad students; too poor to afford screens.  Consequently, we’ve just never had them. So, what do we do on road trips without screens?  One of the answers is libraries!  (Actually an article in the New York Times a few days back, commenting on the rising popularity of libraries is what made me think of all this.)  On our latest cross-country road trip, our yearly two-week camping trip, we stopped at about a library a day.  They were delightful!  We go to read a little.  We used their free WiFi to keep up with communications as we went.    The kids read, they played with toys, they m...

First, there’s a great FB user group if you’re interested in things like kids being independent .  It’s sponsored by letrow.org .  After the music festival post a few days ago, somebody asked how my partner and I navigate issues where the four year-old might feel like she needs to wander off from the other two kids.  Here’s what’s worked for the gang so far: At the start of the year, right after her birthday, I probably wouldn't have let the 4 y.o. wander off with her sibs.  We do a couple of different things as far as practice and prep.  When the four year-old was three, she wasn't allowed to go with her sibs.  She and I would wander the neighborhood while they walked the dog though.  She got to pick the directions to go, and we talked all about the things we saw.  I think that's how she began to learn about landmarks.  Since she's been four, she has been allowed to go on the dog walks, which have been getting progressively longer. ...

Random Strewing: Letting the World Strew for You As an unschooling parent, I strew. For those new to the whole world of unschooling, strewing means putting out things, books, games, art materials, whatever that you think unschooling kids might find interesting.  It’s like an educational slush fund.  Sometimes the kids get interested, sometimes they don’t.   I’ve also found though that the world at large is happy to do the strewing for us.  This week, the gang, (8 y.o. No. One, 6 y.o. No. Two, and 4 y.o. No. Three), went on a three-mile hike through a forest to a nearby beach town.  They’d been on the hike dozens of times before.  It winds down a steep ravine with redwoods hurtling out of the ground on both sides.  The forest off the trail is lush with ferns, moss, and other undergrowth.  They frequently find banana slugs, sometimes see quail, and once in awhile, spot a deer.  When they crusie into town, they visit the local librar...

Rae Pica posted regarding the tying of shoes yesterday .  Rae pointed out that if we help kids too much, we might, in turn, make them helpless.  The point being, without the opportunity to try and to fail, will they be able to learn how to do things? The gang, (8 y.o. No. One, 6 y.o. No. Two, and 4 y.o. No. Three), have seen other takes on the old shoe saw.  First, there’s the ever-present, your shoes are on the wrong feet.  I’ve talked about me having to deal with that one before .  These days though, we’re also starting to get ‘your shoes aren’t tied’.  Now that the kids’re getting bigger, I’m not the one dealing with these things anymore.  That’s what I wanted to talk about, by not setting some limits on the kids, the kids are learning how to set limits with others.  It’s kinda cool, and pretty handy for the kids.  Let me illustrate with a story. A year or two ago, the kids and I were riding BART headed downtown for one thing or an...

The gang, (8 y.o. No. One, six y.o. No. Two, and four y.o. No. Three), my partner, and got to go to a music festival this weekend.  We saw James and the Psychedelic Furs, and it was soooo easy!  We arrived about 10:30 in the morning to get a good seat.  The kids were with us, we’d be there till about 5 PM.  The music was scheduled to start about 2:30.  We brought a ton of food because the kids and I travel on our stomachs, and wait for it, one activity.  The single activity was a card game that involves the players throwing foam burritos at each other.  The kids played one game of it with their friends.  The rest of the day, they blissfully (for me), and independently occupied themselves with exploring the festival.  My partner and I didn’t have to mess with any of this.  She got to paint with watercolors for a while, and read.  I got to write for a bit.  We got to catch up with our friend, (the parent of the other tw...

“What do you think our writing group should look like?” I asked 8 y.o. No. Two as we headed into town on BART.  I’d heard, every unschooling parent has heard, that things will work best when the kids are put in charge of their own learning.  I knew Two wanted a writing group.  That’s why we were headed into the library presentation on writing groups, but I’d never though to ask her what she wanted in a writing group.  Not until now. “I’d like us to meet outside.” This should have come as no surprise to me.  The kid loves being outdoors.  She loves nature.  Her favorite superhero is Poison Ivy. “Cool, what if we met at different playgrounds or other places around town, what if we moved the meeting around?  That way members that live in different neighborhoods can attend meetings when they swing nearby.” “Sounds good.  We could have it at libraries too!”  She chimed in. “All right.” “When we have it at libraries, we could w...

Today, an interesting thing happened today in the reading career of six year-old No. Two.  First, I should point out that Two doesn’t read yet.  He’s not really interested in it.  At least, he’s not passionate about it, (to say the least).  While he did express a desire to learn to read several months ago, since then, he’s worked at it only haltingly.  He’ll memorize a letter or two here and there, but really?  It’s just not his thing yet. So, getting back to today’s surprise.  I’m working on a programming project with the kids using the REST API to Google mail.  There’s been a call in our homeschooling group for parents to submit lists of playgrounds they’d like the group to attend for park days in the coming year.  The kids and I have frankly enjoyed almost every playground we’ve visited in the city, (there are dozens of them), so we didn't feel the need to be original, but we do need a list of all the playgrounds we have visit.  We ...

Socialization in the Real World I say we’re an unschooling family with no curriculum, and to an extent that’s true.  To an extent though, it’s not.  I do have goals for the kids.  I’d like them to move more fluidly through the world than I did as a kid.  I was shy.  Sometimes I couldn't’ think of the right things to say.  Sometimes, I didn’t want to speak at all.  To this day, new experiences jar me.  I’ve developed coping techniques, and yet.  If I get a chance to visit a place by myself and take it in, I’m fine.  If I get dropped into a place out of the blue with other people, I’m just a little bit disoriented.  Things are just a little bit harder to do.  I’d like for the gang here to not have these experiences.  I’d like for them to feel okay talking to whoever, wherever, and whenever.  To that end, the gang and I spend a lot of time in places where the kids can practice communicating, where they can see new thing...

A few days ago, 6 y.o. No. Two reminded me that to assume I knowhow someone listens, much less how they learn is rather superemrly arrogoant of me.  Two, of course, didn’t remind me by telling mei. He’d never do anything so crass—he’s far too decent of a person for that. He reminded me by showing me.  Two and I attended an AlienCon panel featuring Joel and Paul Hynek. If you’re not a huge AlienCon fan, the Hyneks’ dad, Dr. Allen Hynek , was the a scientific consultant for three the Air Force's UFO investigations, Project Sign, Project Grudge, and Project Blue Book.  A new TV series dramatizes their family’s life along with some of the UFO cases their dad investigated. Paul Hynek serves as a technical advisor for the show while his brother Joel, is actually portrayed on the show. Joel has other props in show business as well: he won an Academy Award for Visual Effects. The brothers held my rapt atention with their stories, accompanied by family photos displayed o...

A thing happened to us in an LA transit station that never-ever happens in San Francisco: a safety officer tried to shepherd the kids... sort of.  I can't say exactly why this has never happened to us in San Francisco, but I've got ideas: frankly, I think San Francisco is just used to us.  We live there.  We're in and out of the stations several times a day every day. Consequently, I'm guessing the same folks who are in the station day after day have noticed the gang plenty of times, perhaps so many times they've completely discounted them at this point. LA on the other hand, seems not to be used to us yet. Our tale starts a few days back.  The kids had spent most of the day doing a seven mile hike up to Griffith Observatory.  We met downtown shortly afterwards to head out on a Metro train.  The journey was pleasant enough—Metro trains are kinda odd for denizens of BART because you can't move from car to car.  The kids ride subways every day, s...